Jordan kept the notification to himself.

Not because he wanted to hide things from Chloe anymore, but because explaining that the System had just tried to offer him magical mind control and he’d turned it down felt like the kind of thing that would require a longer conversation than either of them had energy for right now. The hidden milestone reward sat in his mental pocket like a warm secret, the reduced chemistry decay rate and the "Honest Heart" title evidence that the System actually appreciated when he made choices that weren’t completely sociopathic.

Chloe pulled back from their embrace, her eyes still slightly wet but her expression shifting into something more curious than emotional. She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and gestured toward his pocket where the phone had stopped glowing.

"Does your magic dating app do other cool things?"

"Define cool."

"Things that aren’t tracking my feelings like a stock portfolio."

Jordan considered the question. The System had given him plenty of things over the past few weeks, some useful and some questionable and some that fell into categories he wasn’t entirely sure how to explain. The gacha pulls alone had produced everything from a multimillion-dollar resort property to a trait that made tumbleweeds spawn during awkward silences.

"Well," he said slowly, "it did give me this."

He walked toward his closet, which had undergone the same transformation as the rest of his apartment since the System appeared. What used to be a disaster zone of unwashed clothes and forgotten takeout receipts now resembled an actual functioning storage space, with shirts hung by color and jeans folded on shelves like he’d become the kind of person who owned a label maker.

The System’s inventory items occupied a small section in the back, behind his winter coats and the volleyball jersey he’d never actually worn to practice because he’d never actually joined the team. Jordan reached past a box containing the Mystery Box he’d received from an early gacha pull and grabbed the other item that had been sitting there for weeks, waiting for a moment that felt appropriate.

The Bunny’s Blessings package was exactly as advertised in the System’s description: a two-piece set containing what appeared to be a high-quality bunny ear headband and a pair of sheer black tights that seemed to shimmer faintly even in the closet’s dim lighting. The material felt expensive against his fingers, like silk that had been woven by someone who understood exactly what kind of effect they were going for.

Jordan had received this particular item from a bronze gacha pull approximately two weeks ago, and the System’s description had been characteristically blunt about its effects. The bunny ears and tights would induce a mild neurochemical charm enhancement and forcefully elevate physiological arousal in the wearer. More importantly, the System had noted with what Jordan could only describe as mechanical glee, the items would optimize ovulation cycles to maximize reproductive viability.

In normal person language: if Chloe wore this outfit and they had sex, she would get pregnant.

The System had even included a warning note suggesting that the items synergized dangerously well with his Ceaseless Discharge trait, which Jordan had earned from another gacha pull and which did exactly what its incredibly unfortunate name implied. His body could now produce near-infinite quantities of certain biological fluids, a fact that had proven useful in some contexts and deeply embarrassing in others.

He also grabbed the Mystery Box while he was in there, because showing Chloe only the magical pregnancy outfit felt like it might give the wrong impression about the System’s overall vibe.

"Okay," Jordan said, walking back to where Chloe stood in the kitchen. "So the System has this gacha mechanic where I spend quest tickets to roll for random rewards. Sometimes I get useful things like traits that improve my physical abilities or voice. Sometimes I get less useful things like the ability to make tumbleweeds appear when conversations get awkward."

"That’s a real thing?"

"I have summoned exactly three tumbleweeds since receiving that trait. All of them were deeply embarrassing and none of them helped the situation."

Chloe’s lips twitched toward a smile despite her best efforts to maintain a serious expression.

Jordan set the Mystery Box on the counter first. It was an unassuming wooden container about the size of a shoebox, with faint golden script along the edges that probably said something mysterious and important in a language nobody had ever spoken.

"This one I haven’t opened yet. It’s supposed to contain a random item of variable quality, which is the System’s way of saying it could be anything from actually useful to complete garbage."

"Schrödinger’s loot box."

"Exactly what the System called it, actually."

Chloe reached for the Mystery Box with the same analytical curiosity she applied to everything, her fingers tracing the golden script as she examined it from multiple angles. Jordan let her explore while he tried to figure out how to explain the other item without sounding like he was either propositioning her or confessing to owning magical fetish gear.

"And the other thing?"

Jordan held up the Bunny’s Blessings package, the bunny ears and tights arranged in their packaging with the kind of careful presentation that suggested the System understood exactly how ridiculous this looked.

"This is going to require some context."

"That’s a bunny girl outfit."

"Technically it’s a tactical intimacy set consisting of a leporine cranial accessory and a silicone posterior insertion node."

Chloe stared at him.

"I’m reading the System’s description verbatim. It gets worse."

"How does it get worse?"

Jordan took a deep breath and committed to the explanation, because hiding things from Chloe had already proven to be a strategy with significant downsides and he was trying to be better about that whole honesty thing.

"If you wear this outfit and we have sex, you will get pregnant. The System specifically designed it to optimize ovulation cycles and maximize reproductive viability, which is the most clinical way I’ve ever heard anyone describe making a baby."